| It was 1981 and my wife and I were living at a | | | | myself sliding around on my little bamboo mat |
| monastery in the remote jungles of Northeast | | | | that served as my bed on the hardwood floor! |
| Thailand practicing as a Buddhist monk and nun . . . | | | | "This is strange," I thought, "what could I be sliding |
| and Janet was having problems stomaching the | | | | in?" I felt around, and it was as if my mat was |
| coarse food. | | | | covered with mayonnaise! I lit my lantern to see |
| With only one meal in the morning and no further | | | | what the heck was so slippery, and immediately |
| food permitted the rest of the day, she couldn't | | | | wished I hadn't. The green, slimy, horrible mess |
| get enough to eat. I stayed away from the | | | | covered the entire floor of my little hut, my mat, |
| grasshoppers, raw fish, and insect eggs myself, | | | | and me! I was covered in poop. The dysentery |
| but loved the rice and bananas - I could easily | | | | came on like a thief in the night and didn't even |
| have survived on sticky rice and bananas! But | | | | wake me up. |
| Janet couldn't, or at least she didn't think that she | | | | The forest was pitch-black that time of night |
| could, and her situation only worsened. | | | | when all kinds of things crawl around, and with no |
| It became critical when she hadn't had a bowel | | | | convenient change of clothes (a monk is only |
| movement for three months - hard to believe but | | | | allowed a waistcloth antaravasaka, an upper robe |
| true - and she actually wondered why she wasn't | | | | uttarsanga, and outer robe sanghati), and no |
| dead, or where the little bit that she did eat was | | | | bathroom to clean up in, I made my way to an |
| going! | | | | outhouse a quarter mile away, where I spent |
| Becoming desperate, she finally scrunched up | | | | another hour or so squatting away in the |
| enough courage to speak with the abbot, who | | | | blackness. When I was finally cleaned out for the |
| was known to be harsh with whomever he | | | | moment, I took some detergent, that was |
| considered to be a crybaby! The abbot | | | | always available in the outhouses to clean up with, |
| patronizingly summoned another monk (two | | | | and made my way another quarter mile to the |
| monks must be present when speaking to a | | | | well, where I cleaned my robes as best I could. |
| woman), and impatiently listened to Janet's sad | | | | I smelled to high heaven the next morning, |
| story. | | | | wearing the wet robes on alms round, but the |
| "Three months without shitting!" He exclaimed. | | | | Thai villagers understood these things, and I even |
| "Please, I have gone six months without shitting. | | | | received more than usual in my bowl that day! |
| Go drink your urine. End of discussion." | | | | But the diarrhea didn't go away. Two weeks later, |
| Janet was not a happy camper. Not only was she | | | | I was still afraid to fall asleep and this nightly |
| starving and beginning to look like a skeleton, but | | | | nightmare began taking its toll. I became weaker |
| she might have to drink her pee too! | | | | and weaker, and frankly tired of living in the |
| As one could imagine, she tried everything - all | | | | outhouse, so I finally broke down and reluctantly |
| kinds of remedies first, but to no avail. Then, | | | | went to my intolerant-to-those-who-are-sick |
| reluctantly, out of desperation, she finally did as he | | | | abbot for help - and he surprised me! He asked a |
| suggested; she closed her nose and eyes and . . . | | | | villager to fetch some honey and bananas, and |
| down the hatch! | | | | then instructed me to eat only honey and |
| Surprise! It wasn't as bad as she imagined . . . a | | | | bananas exclusively for a week. |
| little salty perhaps, and within a few days, lo and | | | | It was great the first day, but boy can you get |
| behold . . . success. And she soon learned not only | | | | sick of honey and bananas quickly, and who in |
| that eating only bananas and sticky rice will bind | | | | their right mind would believe that honey and |
| you up tighter than a drum, but that the bitter | | | | bananas could cure dysentery? I certainly didn't. |
| leafy vegetables had better be eaten as well to | | | | But within a week, the honey and bananas, or |
| make you go, like them or not. But this episode | | | | something, did of course cure the dysentery, and |
| was only a prelude of what was to come for my | | | | I wouldn't have been disappointed to never see a |
| training partner. | | | | banana or honey again, or an outhouse! |
| While my best-friend-ever was having constipation | | | | (The above is an excerpt from "The Vow, |
| problems, my tribulations were, as usual, on the | | | | Secrets of a Buddhist Monk and Nun - In Search |
| opposite end of the scale. Late one night, in the | | | | of the Seven Freedoms" a memoir that Janet and |
| middle of the jungle in my little hut, I awoke from | | | | I are presently working on. |
| a dream - that I was sled riding - only to find | | | | |